Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize