Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
