M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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