Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
