What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
