Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
