Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
