You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
