I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
