I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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