He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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