I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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