What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
