She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drunk is not a location!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize