I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
