do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
