i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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