okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
