Your mouth is God's brothel.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
