after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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