I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I know her cup size but not her name....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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