I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
