I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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