Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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