so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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