I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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