i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Can Purell be used as lube?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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