Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Shitshow foam night was such a success
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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