I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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