I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
