I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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