Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
