I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
