im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
