we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
