Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
