I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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