some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am one with the molecules
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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