Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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