she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
