i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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