And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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