I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
