brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize