No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
