do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
