Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
