My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
