Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
