I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
