she was so not down for the gang bang
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
