bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I love you. Go after that dick
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize