I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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