Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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