Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My pussy is not your playground.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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