I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
