He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
try to milk me bitch
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
