Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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