Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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