I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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