I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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