you would pick up someone in the library
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
