Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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