who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
