She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
