loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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