the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
