I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I party with great urgency now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
