Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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