love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
