My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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