i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
