pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
