I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
