so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
