I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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