This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
