I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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