We're like a lot better than the average bears
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
