Kiss
Puke
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
