Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
