you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
