I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
