I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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