we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
