Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
