Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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