i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
