I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
