I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
